if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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