man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
