Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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