The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
