OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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