OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
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There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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