You smell like a Billy Joel song
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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