what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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