Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
