My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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