Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize