Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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