I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
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