you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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