half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
