My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
