I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish I only lived at night.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
