i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
