just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
