thus making me awesome and them whores
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
