So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.