dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
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I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.