4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.