I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
