Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"