There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm always down for nudity.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
