I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
