I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
