My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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