lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
