They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
