His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
