"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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