you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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