this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
