Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
