Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I need a beard to bite.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
