Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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