In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
