She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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