It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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