I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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