So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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