I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
