My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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