i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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