We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
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she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We have started to decorate penises.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
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Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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