You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
