her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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