I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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