you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
