I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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