I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
