i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
