If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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