why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
