Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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