3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
