New low: just hacked my moms facebook
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
