I must be too annoying 4 u.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
