Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
