ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
