Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
