just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the night ended with taco bell and tears
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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