I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
