Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
