I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
