I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
