drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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