i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
